So, it has been a big week

It is not often I have a Monday morning to think. Usually, it is waking up late, spilling coffee on my shirt, not knowing what to change into, forgetting socks and/or underpants, and squeaking into the office at around 8:29 a.m. Then, I have thirty minutes to make sure my copies, lesson plans, and materials are in order, only to find out that the lesson is about dinosaurs, for which I am woefully under prepared. 

But, this Monday, no coffee spills, both socks and underpants, and a fancy lady blazer to boot! And, I have my morning to sit and think, which often leads to writing. 

I started brainstorming this bad boy on Saturday morning at 6:30 a.m. The opening several paragraphs were apologetic about not writing. Here is a short version. I haven't written here because I have been working on my poetry. And, many people get a squicky feeling about poetry, so I don't often share it. But, I am gonna start because four months is an insane amount of time between posts. 

Now that that is out of the way, let's get down to the brass tacks. On Friday night at 23:09, I received a text message with an article about SCOTUS' legalisation of same-sex marriage. Like the Millennial I am, I immediately checked facebook to verify. It was the queerest thing I have ever seen on social media. It took a moment for all of this to sink in. Of course, my future wedding will be a spectacle, but that isn't really the most important part for me. The most important part is knowing that my future family will be federally recognised in all 50 states. I can visit my future partner in the hospital; she can visit me. Either or both parent(s) can take our future child to the ER when ze breaks hir arm climbing trees and/or stairs. Queer families will become "normal" not the token. 

Now, I know there is obviously backlash from many angles, not to mention Wisconsin governor Scott Walker being a huge tool box. Most of the opposition is coming from conservative religious views, stating that marriage should be between a man an woman. I respect a church saying that they would not like to perform same-sex marriages because it goes against their religious beliefs. But, I would like to remind the church that religion and government are two separate entities. And, what affects one does not  affect the other. I am proud to be a part of church who has an open and affirming stance on sexuality. So, there is that. 

Now, let's talk about this weekend! On Saturday morning, I arrived at an Ultimate tournament in the middle of East Jesus Nowhere (but VERY beautiful) Korea. And, the overwhelming love and support I felt from my friends was enough to make this hard-hearted broad teary eyed. When I met some of my other queer friends there, we had a three human hug and exclaimed, "Happy Gay Marriage Day!" I half-joking proposed to K just cuz I could. She said yes, but the jury is still out on how her human feels about it.

I am so lucky to have such a supportive community. I received text messages from friends back home. Gay marriage or, you know, just marriage now...is a wonderful thing to celebrate. And, it is a huge step forward for the United States, which is so often divided on these kinds of social issues. 

I would like, however, to say that there is so much more to do. So, let's celebrate marriage equality with the knowledge that we need to keep working towards human equality. Bullying is still huge factor in the lives of queer people. This ranges from the prolific pejorative slinging to physical harm of LGBTQ humans. YouTube has provided a safe space for many wee gaybies, and children are expressing non-heterosexual tendencies earlier and earlier. Unfortunately, some of their parents are not on board. Forty percent of homeless youth identify as LGBTQ, and 46% cited their sexual orientation as the main cause of their homelessness (source). Transgender and transsexual people are marginalised, abused, and rarely celebrated with the same fanfare of Caitlyn Jenner experienced. And, the official LGBTQ acronym is "LGBTTQQIP2SAA" (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Treanssexual, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Pansexual, 2 Spirited, Asexual, and Allies). We, as a community of humans, need to work to make sure all the queers feel comfortable, safe, and equal living their truth. 


We have an amazing opportunity here, people. Children born on June 26th, 2015 in the United States will never know a time when same-sex marriage is any different from mixed-sex marriage. Those children who are young enough may not remember. Those under ten probably think that marriage--as an institution--is icky, anyway. We have the chance to teach today's children that love comes in all forms and all of it is equal. 

Hey you,

Have a gay day. 

Love,
Katie

Anyone wanna marry this? Yeah, that's what I thought.

So, you better check yo' self

I have been here in Korea for two years, as many of you avid bloggers learned last-ish week. Here is a list of ten things for which I am never prepared. Ergo, my reaction is usually awkward and lacking the normal grace and poise with which I carry myself. In essence, I need to check myself before I wreck myself.

1. Ajjeossis sit outside of the hospital in their pyjamas and IVs. They also drink so ju and smoke cigarettes. It just seems so counterintuitive. I have to do a double take and hide my confusion every time.

2. There is a store that is a magical place full of things you didn't know you needed. My EPIK roommate (for the first week of training), a fabulous Irish lass who is 100% cooler than I will ever be, commented, "Daiso is solid gold."

Scene: I walk into a Daiso store; I have a game plan, "okay, I need cleaning supplies, nothing else. Focus, Botsford." I leave with three sparkly ties, a garbage can shaped liked a frog, a dinosaur staple remover, chopsticks, baskets, a Nerf gun, and a Hello, Kitty alarm clock.

Then, I go home, unpack, and realize that my room is a mess. I think, "I should probably clean the floor." I rummage through the bags and find that I forgot to purchase the ONE thing I actually needed.

This happens every single time I go to Daiso. I never know if I should be angry at myself because I have the attention span of a humming bird OR excited that I have a T-Rex staple remover and a Nerf gun with which to shoot Rufio and probably my roommate.  Maybe year three will be better in this regard, but I am not hopeful.

3. Contrary to popular belief, hiking is a very communal activity. You need to bring enough to sustain yourself and at least three three other people. As you stop to take breaks, many Korean hikers will stop as well. They will share their fruit, ramyeon, and makgeolli. It is only polite to share your trail mix, protein bars, and rum. There is always an awkward moment when I have given my last tangerine to the ajjuma at the rest point before the top. Then, I have nothing for the ajjeosis at the summit who give me makgeolli, crackers, and mixed nuts. One time, I bartered English lessons. Usually, I just awkward antelope around, take photos for them, and give them the last swig of my flask. Sometimes, it is water. Most times, it's not.

4. Not much is more humbling than walking through a crowded hospital lobby carrying an uncovered Dixie cup of you own urine for a drug test. I have various levels of discomfort during this process, as evidenced by my facial expressions.

5. Dogs in jackets. I know that is a thing in the States, too. Most dogs here are the size of a chipmunk, so I suppose they need it. But, when I see Labrador and Golden retrievers in parkas, I just... I just can't....I just...don't know what to do.

6. There is a guy in my neighborhood who starts selling his wares around 7:00 in the morning. He has a blow horn and every ten seconds he says "blaaaaaah blaaaaaah." It sounds a lot like, "Taaaaaaaahhhhhhhh Cooooooooohs." Now, if someone is blowing a horn at seven a.m. selling tacos, I would run down the stairs and find him. Let's be honest, starting your day with a taco would be a complete game changer. However, he does NOT sell breakfast tacos. "What is it, Botsford, you tease?!" I don't know. I may never know. I just know my disappointment waking up to not breakfast tacos. I guess I will go eat my boring adult cereal full of flax and oats. Stupid healthy eating.

7. My entire stay here, I have been going to a orthopedic doctor for various bumps, bruises, and old age. Usually he just sends me upstairs for "physical therapy" which involves me napping while a nurse does something electrical on my body, plays a laser light show on my knee cap, and bundles me up in a heating pad. Seriously, these are the best naps ever despite being in a hospital and my body contorted into weird poses. But, my most recent trip has me splinted up with a semi-hard, removable cast. All of this is fine. However, what I absolutely do not understand is how much bandaging the nurses use. It is at least 10 yards of ace-type bandaging. There is a first down wrapped around my leg. I understand my leg is a bit big around, but really? 

I have no idea the science behind any of these procedures, but my doctor has gotten me through plenty of pretty serious scrapes, so I should trust that this is the best method (or, at the very least, a working method). He is, incidentally, also a tenor who performs for various classy events. He is pretty great.

8. Eight is still my lucky number. I received an email from my sister two days ago. All it said in the subject line was, "Kit Kat." It then went into a childhood memory of going to Sentry grocery store on Moreland Boulevard, and shopping with our mother. Every time, we would get a Kit Kat bar. Katie would get a piece, Sarah would get a piece, and Mom would get two, "Because I have to deal with you hooligans." Then, we would fight over who could sit in the front seat.

Early on, we devised a plan that on even days I would sit in the front because my favorite number was eight and my birthday was on the tenth. And, Sarah would sit in the front on odd days because her favorite number is odd (I dunno if I am allowed to impart this sensitive information), and her birthday is on the seventh. At the time, I didn't realize that more than half of the months have more odd days than even days. But, by the time I wised up, it was too late to change the system. We still followed this system this past January when I was home for a month. I did not, however, have to split a Kit Kat bar. I opted for the Butterfinger.

The point of this is a) I will never get over how much I miss my sister and b) that I still check the date every morning to see if I can sit in the front seat of my scooter.

9. I am never prepared for elevator conversations. In any country. At any time. When you walk into an elevator, children here look at you with a mix of wide eyed terror and wonder. They whisper in their mom or dad's ear, "hhhhhhello." I respond with "Hello, what is your name?" in Korean. Sometimes they answer, mostly they hide between the legs of their adult pretending I exist the same way a platypus exists in the zoo: something to be looked at and appreciated for its oddity, but never really knowing why it's there.

I am especially never prepared for the "Too Heavy" beep when you walk into a crowded elevator. You just hang your head in shame and start taking the stairs to ensure it never happens again, until it happens a week later at the same elevator with the same people. Worst. Ever.

10. Smart phones are everywhere. On the subway, when I look up from Lydia, my sassy blue and white phone, I see that everyone has their phones out messaging, playing games, or watching videos. Then, I look back at Lydia and research the statistic of smart phones vs. less than intelligent phones in Korea. I find the information I need, Instagram a photo of the subway car with the statistic in the description box (hashtag KoreaLyfe), then scroll my newsfeed and share a clever meme on a friend's timeline. Only then do I realize that I am part of the problem.

So, I need your thoughts

Alright, it has almost been 60 days since my last post. For a lot of September and October, my brain and heart were fighting. It did not leave me much time to create (don't worry, we've worked out a system. On even numbered dates, my brain gets control; on odd numbered dates, my heart calls the shots. Note to parents: This also works well with siblings who want to sit in the front seat when they're old/big enough).

This November, I've been working on a little something, but it isn't ready, nor will it be ready in the next nine days. BUT, I have been writing.

So, instead of feed you excuses, I am going to invite you to help me out. I had a brain storm while talking to my buddy, Anton. Give me the title of a book, and I will write a little diddy about what I think happens. Here is a teaser.

Title: The Husband's Secret
Response: His secret is that he got a pet dinosaur, but wasn't able to sustain him with table scraps as he had anticipated. So, he fed the dinosaur his youngest child. He explained her absence as an extended trip to his mother's house.

I would like you to post in the comments/message me on facebook titles *you* would like explained. Note: They can be real or fake titles.

Double note: If one story catches my fancy, I might write an extended version and post it on the bloggity blog.

So, sometimes things suck

Like right now, 12:13 am, there is rhythmic thumping going on in the apartment above me with interspersed,"oh yeah" I am pretty sure they are choreographing a dance to this or they could also be moving particularly large piece of furniture and want to affirm their strength. One of those two things, probably.

Other things that suck are people's due dates. I know I have talked about this before, but everyone here has an exportation date. September, November, February, never.

One of my Sisters is leaving at the end of August. I do not mean sister biologically nor in the traveling pants sort of way, but in a way of kinship and shared appreciation for the finer things in life. This past Saturday, we celebrated her and all of her awesomeness.

We met up for the game outside of Homeplus, a pretty big space.  But, no worries, the best part about being a foreigner in Korea is when you're trying to find people. All you have to do is look to where all of the Koreans are gawking, and you will find a rag tag gaggle of waygooks.

Trying to get anywhere with the Sisters is like herding cats. Every one of us are more or less independent women who think and act for ourselves, and are generally very vocal about it. So, when you have a group of 15-20, that gets to be a lot of opinions. So, finally after some starts, beer stops, head counts, and buddy checks, we made it to the stadium.

We found the other half of our group sitting in the right field bleachers. The thing I love about this group of friends, is the undeniable joy in one another's presence. When new folks walk up, it is just like being greeted by family. Their eyes light up, and you are greeted with a resounding 'Heeeeeeeeeey!" I cannot express how amazing it feels to be so immediately included.

 
A big part of that reason is my dear friend, Kathy. From the moment I met her, she just spoke to me as if she's been my friend for years. It was a little off-putting at first, because I don't make friends very quickly. And the fact that she was so ready to be my friend came off as a pleasant albeit weird surprise.   Kathy has been a part of this group for three years, and I know that she will be in each of our minds as we all live out our adventures.

Okay, less sappy more baseball. Got it. I have been playing and watching baseball my whole life, so it baffles me when people do not know it or understand it.

I sat by my friend Kelly (who is a Cardinals fan, although we all have faults), and after the second baseman messed up the play for the third time, we both got super feisty.  Let me be clear, I do not know this team or this league; I don't really even like them.  But, if you drop the ball three times, you deserve to be kicked in the shins.

Kelly shouted insults, I got all ruffled, and we both came to the conclusion that we should probably just go out there and show him how to do it. That didn’t happen.  Because, you know the language barrier.  And, I don’t look good in orange, so really, the feistiness was all for naught.

The game continues, and after lively conversations rife with smack talking and innuendo, we departed the stadium in a gargantuan gaggle.  For the record, Lotte won and Samsung did not. 

We took a bus to Seomyeon and went to dinner.  Now, trying to seat and feed 20 foreigners is usually a big deal in this country.  Doing that with one ajumma in the back cooking, was probably a poor choice on our part.  But, we livened up the evening with several games of pool (all of which I lost. Sorry, Mom!) and some spirited dancing.  Only one or two of us hit the dance floor, but it was enough to make everyone in the bar think that we were a bunch of crazies.  

Right after dancing, we ordered a “fire show” for our friend Kathy, for whom this whole celebration happened.  Each of the bartenders spun bottles through the air, all of which were alight with fire.  Not as cool as Knorch juggling, but cooler than taking a standard shot, no matter how saucy the name.  They stacked a shot glass filled with rainbow colored liquor atop a pyramid of glasses, and the last bartender started the shot on fire, which ran down the pyramid and made it look like the sunrise in Egypt.  I am not saying I have seen a sunrise in Egypt. I am just saying.

After we sorted our bill, we headed to a dance club.  Now, this group of women love to dance.  That might be a lie.  I love to dance, and so do a fair few of others.  So, immediately after entering the club, I grabbed some water, downed it, and Kelly and I shuffled onto the dance floor.  Obviously, we start busting moves, because that is what BAMFs do on the dance floor. 

Now, here is a small confession.  I had noticed a small rip in my pants pocket during the ball game, but thought not much of it.  Somehow during the beginning of the night, that rip became a bit larger.  Then after an instant drop to reclining hero’s pose, I heard a tell tale rip.  Whelp, the back of my trousers now had a moderate rip in them, too.  No worries, though it was dark, so the obvious course of action was to keep dancing.  At this point in the evening, my friend Kelly and I had a legitimate dance off.  The whole dance floor was ours: jagged edges and all. It is tough to say who won.  Chickadee, has some sweet moves.  During this dance off, I dropped into a front splits, and low and behold, the front of my pants gaped open. 

It was at this point of the night, where I pulled my shirt down, hid my shame, and told my friends I was leaving.

 

Them: “Why are you leaving?” 

Me: “I am no longer wearing pants.  They are shredded!” 

Them: “Not one person in this club cares whether you wear pants or not.” 

Me: “Hmm, Maybe.” Then Catholic guilt bludgeoned, “Oh, God, no. NO! I can’t. Maybe….Nope, no way.”

So, after saying my goodbyes, I get to the elevator.  My friend Jax said, “And where do you think you’re going, Miss?” 

I looked about the club, thinking the rather obvious response is that velociraptors were chasing me, but instead I said,, “My pants are no longer pants right now…”

“That’s not a good enough reason.”  With that, she took me near the elevator, took off her pants handed them to me, and said, “I’ll trade.” 

Since, I am a glutton for awesomeness, I traded trousers with her and went back to the dance floor like Lazarus raised from the dead.  I tossed about some more moves.  We had a big way-gookin’ party on the floor as a last and final hurrah for Kathy. 

So, I went home in another woman’s pants, which is something that has never happened before.  As I reached home, I sat in my bed thinking about all of the things that happened today. 

I keep coming back to this idea of transience and depth not length of friendship.  Kathy has been such a rock in this sisterhood for many expiration dates before me, and there will be women in that group for many dates after me.  I am so thankful and so blessed to have found this group of people who are so phenomenally strong and connected.  I will say this, folks, Busan (and Daegu) have some of the most amazing people you will ever meet. 

So, it sucks that you're leaving, Kathy. But, I know that Taiwan is gaining a rock star force of nature.  Knock ‘em dead, kid.  Or, not actually dead, that’s a lot of paper work.  But, Go get ‘em, slugger.  And all other meaningless aphorisms.  We’ll miss you.

The Day I Realize that I am Ridiculous

Hello,
So, yes, I understand that this is not one but TWO days late.  Count yourselves lucky because I sent my brother-in-law's birthday card two WEEKS late.  Yeah, I felt a little bad about that one.  Brian, I promise I know when your birthday is.  It is November 4th.  I just am bad at getting my act together to address an envelope and buy and card and stuff.   But, anyway, Brother, I love you.

So, today I realized that I was ridiculous and this is why.  I looked into my fridge to decide what I wanted to eat for breakfast.  I do not know why I even bother.  I know I am going to have cereal with milk like always, but I like the option.  So, I looked in the door to grab the milk, and I found not one, not two, but THREE open bottles of BBQ sauce.  I don't even eat Bar-B-Que often.  Really, it is when my mom calls me and says, "Hey, do you want ribs?" My answer is always, "Obviously."  So, I don't even MAKE the ribs, I just devour them.  I think it was from when I made the Lil' Smokies (a.k.a. wieners, but that word weirds me out.  Beyond the obvious reasons, but I just think that it is the diphthong of vowels.  Diphthong also weirds me out, but I will let bigons be bigons. I also think that that word sounds like bison; that's just an observation).  Wow, that was a long and mildly unnecessary aside.  Sort of like all of Hamlet.  All you see is Aside and then 14-28 lines of monologue.  As in, what the hell is he talking about. I don't know.  Moving on.

Alright, here are ten things that make me smile:

1. Children's Museums.  So freaking cool.  I realized, however, that I still need ridiculous validation.  While Laura, Gabe, Amy and Dom were woodworking and using tools, my mom and I played with blocks, magnets, and boards to create mazes.  As I was working on my giant board, all I remember thinking was, "Oh my Gosh, this is SO cool.  I can't wait to show my mom.  She's going to love it so much." Then, I realized that I was thinking like a five year old.  I am comfortable with that.

2. Subway lunch with a dear friend.

3. All purpose cleaner, and the smell it leaves after you've cleaned your house.

4. Fall colors and boots.

5. Packers being 10 and 0.  For obvious reasons.

6. A five year old telling me a story about how he was hunting dinosaurs;
Gabe: I am not fibbing, I promise!
Kat(i)e: Are you fibbing about fibbing?
Gabe: Giant smile and a little deceptive laugh

7. Sharing my tangrams with a ____ year old man (greater than 45 less than 56) who is not my father (enjoy Bruce!)

8. Reading the St. Norbert College magazine and seeing my residents' faces and names pop up about all of the amazing things they're doing.  It makes a mama proud.  Congrats Carrie! I love you.

9. Reading.  Everything.

10. And getting excited every time I see my favorite teacher from high school.  Setting up coffee with her, and realizing that real friends are those with whom you connect on multiple layers that transcend time, space and all other physical boundaries we place upon ourselves.