So, that was an interesting 65 minutes...

Working as a teacher in Korea, I've experienced some fairly crazy things.  Sock racing, not withstanding, I am going with "staff meetings" as the most ridiculous.

If you are a teacher back home, you know the drill: snack, snark, and sharks...wait, now, I was just going with alliteration.  Try again: snacks, snark, and then getting down to the proverbial brass tacks, although I quite prefer push pins over tacks, but that isn't important.  I actually found some of my staff development days enjoyable, but that was usually when I sat with Nancy, and we both recognized that, in situations like that, there will always be too many cooks in the kitchen.

I digress, so, today, there is a staff meeting with some muckity-mucks from the uppity-ups of Busan Metropolitan Office of Education. Usually, I am graciously dismiss, and I can go into the office and nap or claim adult responsibility and do work But, lesbie honest, who does that?

However, today is different.  James, my co-teacher, says, "Maybe, you'll have to stay for the meeting?" Blerk, mmmmkay.  "Do I hafta understand it?"  Evidently, not.  I just have to be there.

If you take out the snacks, snark and sharks of American teacher's meetings, add Korean, a seven page agenda AND be sitting directly port-side of the principal, you have my life. Right now. At this very minute.

Now, I can imagine my mother's face right now, "Kathryn Marie! How can you be writing while you're in a meeting?  At least look like you're paying attention."

Oh, crap, I missed a page turn while my Brain-Mom was berating me.  And, the pop sound a Snapple bottle makes just happened.  From my orange juice. Resounding through the room. I catch the eye of the new guy who smiles at my noisy juice debauchery.  Shoot, I missed another page turn.  These sneaky Korean, flipping pages like it's their job. Like they're stealthy wild cats sent to...flip...pages...quietly?  What? Doesn't matter. I can't even pretend to keep up. Blast it all!

Now, one of the Muckity-Mucks talks  She seems like a lovely woman.  She makes excellent eye contact, but listening to her is like hearing a song.  She has one of the most fluctuating speech patterns I have ever hear. And I watched Gilmore Girls.  She just did the action for an alligator catch in Ultimate -OR- the "Teenage Shark" motion, if you're privvy to the Shark Song.

I think if I had a super power (other than water control), I would like to dabble in voice throwing.  If I could throw my voice to the other side of the room right now, I would probably whistle or play the harmonica and confuse the crap out of the people here.  Miss Kim, if you're reading this, I didn't ever throw my voice.  Not even once.  Mostly, because my only super powers are my humor and wit like a rusty trap.

Ahhhhhh! I make eye contact with the other Muckity-Muck...and nodded! I might have just agreed to sell my soul or bear a child and name Him Buddy Christ.  Although, both of these scenarios seem unlikely. I do not think I would be a good mother to a Messiah.  I have trouble watering my plant.  I probably just agreed to use only the squatty potty for the rest of time. Forever and ever. Amen.

Side note: knuckle/elbow cracking is frowned upon.

Segue. No one is doodling. This seems rather weird. Maybe, doodling isn't a thing here.  I mean, I have never really been much of a doodler myself (mostly, because everything I drew looked like a Georgia O'Keefe painting. Foreshadowing?  Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?). But, let me tell you, during staff meetings in America, I got my doodle on. Abandoning Georgia, I specialized in geometric shapes and color dimensions. Wow, so not the point.  All I am trying to say is everyone is doing a damn good job of pretending to pay attention, or, even more disturbing, actually paying attention.

Oh, crap. I hear my name.  Now, James is talking.  My head swivels, following the back and forth of the speakers.  Every one laughs.  Oh, man.  There is a difference between being completely clueless and knowing someone is talking about  you and still being clueless.  It is times like this, when I try to conjure up Spaceman Spiff and escape to unexplored planets in my super awesome red flying saucer with a bubble canopy.

End of meeting. What. Just. Happened.

The Maiden Voyage

What kind of tip is looking at your elbow?  Is that a joke in the same vein as "I will give you 100 dollars if you lick your elbow" or  " 'knock knock.' 'who's there?' ...."? No, it is the bonafide way to get a perfect high five, every time.
Here's the trick:
1. Establish a partner
2. Make eye contact and raise your hand in a universal sign of an "up top" high five
3. Shift your gaze to your partners elbow, and make sure he or she is looking at yours.
     a. This can be done by a silent affirmation or a rabble-rousing shout of "The Elbow! The Elbow! Look at the Elbow!
4. Bring your hands together with similar velocities.

Upon doing this, you should hear a resounding and satisfying smack. (Or pop.  I am having difficulty correctly identifying the most apt onomatopoeia.)  There should also be a moderate to severe tingling feeling following the sound.

That, dear friends, is how to give a proper high five the first time, every time.



PS If you are consuming mature beverages, please account for that and adjust the focus of your gaze accordingly.