So, I've written an open letter to 2020

Dear 2020, 

Boy, howdy, what a doozie. 

See, you have entire worlds rooting for your death. You have human beings who have lost so much during your reign. You have bitmojis showing that you’ve been a dumpster fire of a year. You have memes telling you to “Fuck off.” You have so many people who are rooting--not just for your reign to be over but--for you to be destroyed, written off as the worst year ever. 

I’m not here to do that. I mean, do I appreciate how you have packed so many obstacles into such a short period of time? No, of course not. I’m a lazy person, and I don’t like overcoming one just to find another staring at my face. 

But, really, it’s not your fault. I can’t possibly believe that you came in all bright and shiny on January 1st, 2020 being like, “Y’all better buckle up.” Maybe you’re just as heartbroken as everyone else. I can’t believe that your successor, 2021, has been rubbing her hands waiting for you to fail, so she can swoop in like a superhero. 

See, Time is a team. 2021’s success depends on you, as you depended on 2019. Decades depend upon decades. And, we *can* fight about what year actually is the end of the decade (2019 or 2020), but that thought wearies me. Your reign didn’t suck because you wanted a Machiavellian twist. Your reign was hard and difficult because you inherited a mess.

This letter will be America-centric, because it is the reality in which I am living. 2020, you came in so joyfully, so full of life and love to give. Then, COVID-19 became a real big problem real fast. But, you see, 2020, that wasn’t your fault. (Technically, it was 2019’s fault...but, again, placing blame is ridiculous.) We weren’t ready for it. America dug its heels in Anti-Science malarkey.  America’s rugged individualism, for which we are so renowned, was truly the downfall here--each person thinking for themselves, not the community. That’s not your fault, 2020...again, if we’re gonna place blame, maybe the fault lies in 1492, when Columbus “discovered” the New World and followed his selfish interests and destroyed the beautiful cultures that already lived there. Or maybe the fault is in 1776, when the colonies didn’t like being told what to do. Or, maybe in 1773, when we threw a hissy fit over some tea and taxes. 

America doesn’t always recognize the difference between patriotism and nationalism. 

Then, 2020, while you were dealing with COVID, a police officer, Derek Chauvin, knelt on the neck of George Floyd, and a *different* a police officer shot Breonna Taylor in her own home, and Gregory and Travis McMichael shot and killed a man named Ahmaud Arbury, all of which reignited protests around the world. Again, 2020, it isn’t your fault. Maybe it’s 1619’s fault, when White people kidnapped millions of people from a continent far away to work their lands because they thought they were too good for that kind of dirty work. Or, maybe it is the entire decade of the 1910’s, when the Jim Crow Era really ramped up. Or maybe, it is 1955’s fault when three white men killed a *child.* Emmett’s death and Mamie Till Mobley’s bravery set the mid-century Civil Rights Movement in motion. And, guess what, 2020? We’re still fighting that same damn fight. So, you see, it isn’t your fault. 

Then, in November...and December...and probably January...Joe Biden kept winning the presidential election. But, unfortunately, that’s not your success. Maybe it belongs to 2016, for electing a man fully inept at carrying the responsibility for anything at all, let alone an entire country. Or, maybe it is in 2018, when a giant swath of people saw what wasn’t working and ran for office to change it. And, maybe, yes, maybe it’s yours, too. But, *electing* Biden, much like the second after 12:00 a.m. when your reign ends and 2021’s begins, won’t change anything.

We, as a country, have to work to make this a place worth living in. We need to address the death of our planet and the cataclysmic natural disasters worsened by climate change. We need to work to become an Anti-Racist person, neighborhood, city, state, country, world. We need to work to believe in fucking science. We need to take our heads out of the sand and realize that all it took was two months of income instability to throw 7.8 million Americans into poverty while Jeff Bezos’ already gargantuan income increased by 78 billion dollars. 2020, that is not your fault. It is the fault of greed, corporatism, racism, and the many, many years before you that allowed it to happen. 

Actually, 2020, you have maybe been the best year of all. You have given us a year with the fewest school shootings. You have shone a light on how delicate our economy is. You have allowed us to see the true monsters within. You have shown us that we cannot continue to live in a sustainable way. You have punched holes in America’s belief that we are the best. Finally, 2020, you have shown us who true patriots are--people who love America so much that we see how hurt she is. People who love America so much that we work to make her better. People who love America because she is our home.

So, it’s December 31st. Go ahead, take your bow. Pass on your burden and relax. You’ve had quite a year.  

So, why is it important to "go high?"

In a speech on July 25th, 2016, Michelle Obama spoke about how their family had (and has) responded to criticisms of Barack. She said, “When they go low, we go high.”

In a Time Magazine article, she talks about how “going high” doesn’t mean that you don’t feel the pain or frustration. It means that you work through it to try to better understand someone’s perspective. She, notably, writes, “When I say, ‘go high,’ I’m not trying to win the argument.”  

That’s the part that gets me. I really dislike losing arguments. I really dislike the person I become when I argue because...I rarely lose arguments. However, in winning arguments, I sometimes lose respect for who I want to be as a human being because of the tactics I've used.  More often, I just walk away. 

Here is where I might lose some people, but please hear me out. It drove me bat shit crazy to see the “Not My President” bumper stickers when Obama was president. Like, “Ya dingledoos. It doesn’t matter if you agree with him or not, he is your president.” So….now the shoe is on the other foot. I will say it is a little different because Obama won both the electoral vote and the popular vote, while the current president only won one of the two. However, we can rip into the electoral college in a different post. 

While I disagree with the vast majority of what our Dingledoo in Chief says, does, reflects, represents, etc, he is still my president. I don’t agree that children are still in cages. Yeah, remember that? I don’t agree that there are “very fine people on both sides.” I don’t agree that he owns stock in and keeps pushing hydroxychloroquine as a remedy for Covid-19. I don’t agree that he has off-handedly created a medical environment where the people who need it for actual autoimmune diseases and malaria are having a difficult time getting their prescriptions filled. I don’t agree with his disbelief in science and reality. I don’t agree with his inability to be honest. 

However, he is still my president. He was elected by a minority of people with an electoral college majority. I do not, I repeat, DO NOT want him to be my president for another four years. 

I have found it so, incredibly difficult to “go high” when he is abusing his power, green-lighting disgusting human tragedy, and actively killing our planet. He evaded removal from office because the senate majority leader refused to have a real trial in the senate. He has doubled down on his border wall and has turned suspicion toward Asian Americans. It is so much easier for him to blame those who don’t look like him for his feckless leadership and inability to control...anything. He has revoked the Paris Climate Agreement. Our planet is dying, dude. There will be nothing left for you to rule if we don’t take care of it. 

The President has muddied the waters of trust so fully that any media that goes against what he says is “fake news.” Distrust in the media and pushing propaganda is a huge, giant red flag. His followers very rarely listen to anything that contradicts him. They often spout hate and ignorance and don’t support their opinions with facts based in real life. His followers listened to his pussy-grabbing tape and heard about the multiple sexual misconduct accusations, and said, “Yep, I am all in.” 

It is so difficult to “go high” because we are not even playing the same game right now. Progressives work toward bettering their people and their base. They have a moral obligation to “do the right thing.” Because a victory fought in their trenches of dishonesty, hate, and ignorance is no victory worth winning. The President’s followers are so entrenched in his rhetoric that trying to have conversations with them hasn't gone anywhere. Hasn’t “moved the ball forward.” So, what do we do?

It sucks. We are getting literally and metaphorically slaughtered. If he wins the 2020 election, our nation may be irreparably damaged. If he doesn’t win, our nation may still be irreparably damaged. He watered a chasm between the “Right Side of History” and the “Wrong Side of History.” It is now a canyon. We have to build bridges to allow people to cross.

We have to talk to single issue Republican voters. We have to talk to non-voters. We have to continue talking to Trump voters. We have to get people to give a damn. We have to rally around the common goal of progress. We have to vote like our rights depend on it. However, we  must respectfully engage in conversation with people with whom we disagree. We cannot think we are better than the people with whom we are speaking. We have to go high.

We have no idea what our future holds. We have no idea how our world will be shaped by the actions (and inaction) of our government. We have no idea what will be written in the history books. 

What we do know is how we acted. Were we fearless in standing up for what we believe? Did we do all we can for our homeless brothers and sisters? Have we protected our Black and Brown  brothers and sisters from people who deem themselves judge, jury, and executioner? Have we surrounded our Asian brothers and sisters who are not at all new to discrimination in this country?  Were we compassionate toward our Hispanic and Latinx brothers and sisters who are fleeing war torn countries? Were we kind to our neighbors?

Have we gone high when it is so, so much easier to go low?  

So, My Mom and I Talk About Important Stuff

So, my mom has been writing a blog about her musings, observations, and River Ramblings. Every once and a while she sends me a piece on which she'd like feedback. She sent me the first half of this piece, and it really spoke to me. I asked her if she wanted to collaborate, and I could add a different, personal layer on taking care of one another in regards to Mental Health. So, with no further adieu, here is the piece:

Mary: 

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times” 

A tremendous nod of appreciation and respect to Charles Dickens for this, one of the greatest opening lines in literature. Any genre, any time period.  I did not realize until just now doing research for this article that it continues on in an incredibly long and beautiful run-on sentence.

“it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair”

(yes, it even carries on a bit more)

I had hoped to say that ‘best of times, worst of times’ sums up my week.  And then I discovered the riches of all these contrasts -- each couplet adding layers of validation to my scattered and often diametrically opposed thoughts and feelings. 

Last week started with finding out our local library system was offering on-line reservations and a method for curb-side pick-up.  I spent two hours just choosing which books I wanted to request.  Perhaps a bit like getting lost in the book store, but I don’t know anyone who does that.  

And then Friday was my pick-up day, I was so excited!  I told some friends at work it felt like the super nerdy joy Steve Martin displayed as he cried out, “The new phone book is here, the new phone book is here.”  I got home and paged through my treasures; three historical fiction books and a literary work by Walter Mosley.  Then, as I tried to choose which to read first, the words of Mozart in the movie “Amadeus” came to mind.  He was trying on wigs and excitedly proclaimed, “They are all so lovely, I wish I had three heads.”  Can you tell, I was really, really excited to have these books! 

I had been reading on my Kindle since the ‘safer at home’ order started.  A wonderful gadget, but it is no match for the tactile delight of turning pages and brushing your hand across a glossy cover.  I chose to start with a historical fiction set in the mountains of Eastern Europe during WWI.  The main characters were a doctor and nurse in a field hospital.  Beautifully written with exquisite prose, complex characters and well-developed plotlines.   However, reading about rapid progression of illness to death from typhus, the endless battle to save lives with very little equipment and medications, and the bickering and in-fighting amongst the decision makers was not exactly uplifting or an avenue to escapism these days.

Which led me into the worst of times.  That story plunged me into such feelings of gloom and melancholy.  I know my dark times are like the brightest day for some that battle depression and other mental health issues.  I know our current battle with Covid-19 has worsened these conditions for so, so many people.  And I know mental health care in our country is not given the respect and resources needed.  Mental health conditions, addictions, and substance abuse are an epidemic in their own right, and have been for some time.  And I pray for all those that are fighting these battles even more fiercely than ever before.  But to all those screaming for flinging open the doors of our society as a solution to the mental health crisis running along with the virus crisis, I suggest shut the front door.   A more lasting solution is for us as a society to take an honest look at mental health care in America and make some necessary changes.  We can do better. 

I had been struggling with what to write next and pointedly avoided the keyboard.  I felt I had no funny quips or ‘rah-rahs’ in me.  I feel, though, there are many of us that experience this roller coaster of emotion within short amounts of time.  The goal of this piece began as an invitation to myself and each of us to acknowledge and accept whatever range of feelings we have and when we have them.  Very often though, it seems the writing itself sets the path.  Just today, I saw that May is Mental Health Awareness Month.  I’m thinking that was the muse whispering in my ear.  I’m grateful for the direction.  I pray we are all kind to ourselves and others.  Especially to those that are in most need of our kindness and care.  

Katie: 

My mom beautifully pens, “I pray we are all kind to ourselves and others.  Especially to those that are in most need of our kindness and care.” Kindness is truly the only way through. True compassion for, true faith in, and true love for one another is the only thing that gets one through. 

In the past, I have been pretty open about having high functioning anxiety. I don’t always seem like I am ready to explode, going a million miles a minute, or envisioning scenarios that put me in positions over which I have no control. I don’t always seem like that. But, I promise you, it is there, right there under the surface.  That is what high functioning _________ looks like. You fill in the blank. 

It looks like, “I can’t break down because if my kids see me cry, they’ll know something is wrong.”

It looks like, “The world was literally on fire, and I can only focus on the fact that my baseboards are dirty.”

It looks like, “Yeah, yeah, no, everything is fine.”

Anxiety, Depression, OCD, looks different on everyone. I am high-functioning. The way in which my anxiety manifests itself is seen as a boon to my work and my community. Others wage different wars with their demons. I cannot speak for those. 

I don’t want pity. I don’t want indifference. I want recognition that everyone is carrying something heavy. 

We are going through global trauma right now. I want everyone to know that just because someone else’s “stuff” is heavier than yours doesn’t mean that your “stuff” isn’t heavy, too. 

This is truly the worst of times. We are in a global pandemic. There are not enough equipment, supplies, or staff to keep our nation, our world, safe. There are people with Covid-19. There are still people with cancer. There are still people with heart conditions. There are still people with depression and anxiety. ‘We are not all in the same boat, but we are certainly in the same storm’ (Damian Barr).

That is the place in which we rejoice. That is the place where we must become one human race. We have got to weather the storm together to welcome the rainbow. And, we can only do that when we support one another regardless of age, race, ability, class, religion, sexual orientation, or, yes, even differing political persuasion. 

As people united, we will not be divided.  And, that, my friends, that will be the best of times. 

So, the Democratic Party is a Circus

One of the tenants of the Democratic Party has been that everyone can fit under our tent. And, by everybody, I mean everybody. Now, I want to be crystal clear, I am not an exclusionary person. I think there should be healthy, respectful debate and conversations with those with whom you disagree. However, I would like to break down this circus of a “one-tent party” into three parts: shifts in the Overton Window, inequitable “status quo,” and necessary revolution. 

Shifts in the Overton Window 
First, and foremost, the Overton Window frames a range of political conversations that are accepted. For example, when Al Gore was telling us about Climate Change 20 years ago, it was not yet within the Overton Window. However, the OW has shifted so much that science-believing people understand that Climate Change is a huge problem that, if neglected, has been and will be disastrous. “Botsford, how does this possibly relate to what you’re talking about?” you might ask. 

Well, to answer that question, dear reader, come on a quick journey with me. Alysha and I have been watching The Newsroom. It is a show that basically details how news could have (should have?) been covered. Season one takes place in 2010-2011, which showed the rise in the Tea Party. The final episode of season one sums up exactly what I have felt for a long time and gave me the push to write it down instead of keeping it in my head.  

I am a self-proclaimed bleeding heart liberal. I believe in feeding the hungry, caring for the sick, clothing those who need clothes. I recognize my bias. However, I understand the Republican view of smaller government and leaving things up to States. (I don’t agree with it, but I understand it.) In 2010-2011, the Republican Party was taken over by the Tea Party--people like Michelle Bachmann, Mike Lee, Sarah Palin, Rand Paul, and Ron Johnson. People who were part of the Birther Movement, people who deny science, people who value guns more than they value lives (unless those lives are unborn babies), people who are so anti-government that they let it shut down multiple times because they were unwilling to come to the table and compromise. 

This kind of populism, this kind of rhetoric and denial of facts has a direct link to Donald Trump being the 2016 Republican Presidential nominee. He did not run on a platform of Republican policies. He ran on hate. He ran on ignorance. He ran on pitting the most vulnerable people against one another. Donald Trump took whatever shred of dignity the Republican Party had left and lit it on fire. 

 So, where do those Never Trump Republicans go? Where do the Republicans with common sense go? Of...of...of course we can make room for them under our big tent. However, with incorporating so many people, the Democratic Party has kind of lost their way. This is part of the reason we had a bazillion primary candidates; we can’t agree on a true Democratic movement that serves all people. The people “okay” under the Status Quo and the peoplewho came to our tent because theirs got too bananas have shifted the Overton Window to a more moderate view, as opposed to a true progressive movement. Again, I am not saying, “Get out.” I am saying, “Get on board.” 

Inequitable Status Quo 
I am an employed 32 year old with $38,000 in student debt and a mortgage. I do not have children. I am living “comfortably.” My paycheck doesn’t always stretch as far as I want it to. But, I am putting quality food on the table, able to take modest vacations, and can afford to eat at fancy restaurants once in a while. I am doing “okay.” I make a LOT more money than the average income earner. The Status Quo was working “okay” for enough people and was “okay” enough for people to be more afraid of change than of it. 

 The Status Quo is Not Working 
Minimum wage in WI is $7.25. That means that if someone who works a minimum wage job for 40 hours a week, for 52 weeks), they would be making $15,080 a year with zero vacations, zero time to be with a sick family member, zero doctor’s appointments during their shift, ZERO TIME OFF. That is not a living wage. It is not even a subsistence wage. Restaurant workers make even less because tips count toward their wages. 

 Families are in debt thousands of dollars after birthing a child. And, that is WITH insurance. Any unplanned medical expense could bankrupt a family or make them dip into retirements or mortgages. 

 Voting districts are disgustingly gerrymandered. Wisconsin held an in-person primary in a PANDEMIC, in attempts to repress voting in an even more egregious way than their previous voter suppression laws. 

 We have very little in the way of a social safety net, and this pandemic is showing that. We are about to go into my second “once-in-a-lifetime” economic collapse. People are furloughed and unemployed. Many people who were doing “okay” under the Status Quo are now suffering in a big way. My heart breaks for the way we, as a country, are being treated. 

The Status Quo was not a Democracy; it was a Plutocracy. Our government has been bought and sold by the wealthy for decades. Reagan's Trickle Down Economics has not worked. The money pooled at the top, and our government has been fed by that spring for decades. 

Returning to normal is not the answer. It cannot be the answer. If we want to be a true Democracy, we cannot return to normal. We need a revolution. 

Necessary Revolution 
Change can be scary. Political change is terrifying. What if it’s worse than what we already have? Better stick with the devil you know than the devil you don’t right? If you were “okay” under the Status Quo, a political revolution seems reckless. Why rock the boat? However, if you were not doing “okay,” or are not doing “okay” now, there is very little that is worse. We need to provide a better social safety net for our country. We need to protect people who cannot protect themselves. It’s hard to pull yourself up by your bootstraps when you’re not even wearing shoes. 

Individual Thought vs. Communal Thought 
The United States’ “We’re Number 1” mentality does not stop at country pride. The US is an incredibly self-centered society. In the face of this pandemic, we have hoarded toilet paper. We have bought all of the canned goods. We think that we are fighting this pandemic individually, every person for themselves. If my family has eight cans of black beans, we can survive anything. I can live on beans alone!! However, that means another family has zero. But, if I take two cans, which should last me a week, that means that three other families can also have two cans of black beans. That’s how math works. 

 We need to begin thinking communally. We have got to take care of each other. In this example, the pandemic is the framework. However, we need to take care of each other, always. We have to care for our sick, feed the hungry, clothe those who need clothing. And, we need to do it together. 

Medical Costs 
We need universal health care. We need people to be able to access doctors, nurse practitioners, and nurses to get help before it becomes an emergency. There are so many people who go to the ER who have problems that could have been caught and solved had there been early detection. We need people to have access to medications they need to survive. No one should die of a diabetic coma while they were rationing their insulin because they can’t afford it. People should not have to choose between bankrupting their family or getting medical care. We are supposed to be a first world country; we need to start acting like it. 

Minimum Wage 
We are seeing, now more than ever, the need for “essential employees.” People are still working in fast food, restaurants, grocery stores, and essential stores. Minimum wage jobs are not for bored teenagers who need an after school job to stay out of trouble. People of all ages and all backgrounds rely on minimum wage jobs to put food on the table for their families. We need to raise the minimum wage to be a living wage. A living wage is not just the bare minimum to get by; it is a wage that gives people enough. Enough for food, shelter, clothing. Enough to buy Christmas presents. Enough to pay for your kid to play a high school sport. Enough. 

We need a revolution. There are a myriad of other reasons that we need radical social change. We need to focus our concerns on our most vulnerable people. We need to “Dream Big, Fight Hard.” We need to “Persist.” We need to believe in “Not Me, Us.” That is what the Democratic Party is about. Since FDR and his New Deal, the Democratic Party has been about helping people, giving voice to those who are vulnerable, and creating a social safety net that catches everyone when they fall. Our tent is bursting at the seams. We need everyone in it to get on board. This circus train is coming to town.

So, Imma send a letter

Dear Paul,

Can I call you Paul? Okay. Great. I haven’t taken the time to congratulate you on your promotion to Speaker of the House. When I first heard the news, I thought, ‘Well, Paul and I disagree on a lot of fundamental things, but at least he is intelligent and has enough courage to do the right thing in the difficult situation a divided congress often presents.’ You see, Paul, I don’t know you, personally, but I know where you came from. The last time you were home, in fact, my mom saw you in church. She prays for you, Paul. I do, too.

Janesville, Wisconsin is a place that is difficult to describe. I learned about right and wrong from the stories my grandmother would tell over a boiling pot of goulash at 1107 Hamilton Ave. She would also pepper our imaginations with the fairies that lived in the big oak tree and magic that dances in bon fires. The house is gone now, but stories and memories are more difficult to tear down.

My grandfather, however, taught me other lessons. He taught me about hard work. He taught me how to make a living. He taught me how to be proud of the work that I’ve done. He worked at GM for as long as I can remember. And, when it left Wisconsin, there were a lot of people out of work and out of hope.

The people of Janesville have recovered because Wisconsinites have an uncanny way of moving Forward. We take our lumps and make the best of the situation we’re given. We’ve learned right and wrong. We’ve learned hard work. We’ve learned pride in ourselves and our home.

But, Paul, I gotta tell you some things. That health bill you actually rammed through (as opposed to the eight month process the Affordable Care Act underwent), it is not good for many, many people. You had the House vote on it even before the Congressional Budget Office could take a look at it and let the American people know what American Health Care Act would cost.

I’m not talking money, here, Paul. Money can be made, and money can be spent. I am talking about lives. Human lives. The plan you passed would kick a whole slew of folks off of health care—people in your district, people in Rock County, people in Janesville, your home town. I know you have spent the past 13 years in DC; I can imagine it is hard to remember the farmers in Evansville or the people living near Riverside Park. But, we need health care. And, kicking it back to each state to determine who can and cannot get quality, affordable care won’t work out as cleanly as you hope. There are going to be a lot of sick people wearing Make America Great Again hats knocking on your door demanding some answers.

Paul, you sold an idea. A flawed idea, but genius all in the same. Your “health care” plan is a tax cut for wealthy people. Some wealthy people are all for it, obviously.  But, here is the sneaky part. You sold this plan with the American Dream, with the idea that ‘I’m not rich now, but I could be..someday.” And, that is how you got it. The people who believe they will someday be wealthy don’t want the government taking their hard-earned money when they have it, in the future. But, the American Dream is just that, a dream. Rags to Riches isn’t reality. There are systemic poverty and class structures designed to keep people in their places.

We may not have castes, here, but do you know how difficult it is to move up a social class? To move up several social classes? You need good, quality public education. You need parents working at a livable wage. You need public programs to form open and accepting communities. You also need healthcare.

This, of course, is where we differ. It is important to have fiscal conservatives to balance out my plans. But, it is a balance. There is some give, and some take. But, Paul, with this health care bill, you just took. And, when the Freedom Caucus said nah, we’re good, you bent over backwards to appease them. You know who that doesn’t benefit? Your constituents.

Health care is obviously a big deal, a bigly deal, if you will. But, I am much more concerned, Paul, with how you have kowtowed to our new Commander in Chief. Remember in paragraph one, when I thought that we have different ideals, but I appreciate your character? Well, I’ve got to say, I have been unimpressed. You have stood by this man through a lot of hair-raising details of how he chooses to live his life. And, just recently, you stood up for him saying something like, ‘He is new to government. He is new to all of this.’ It is okay to make several gaffs while being new to waiting tables or even mis-shelving books in your new position at a library. But, for goodness sake, he is the leader of our country.

A new rookie comes into the White House every four or eight years. Your excuse of him being new to politics doesn’t hold water. If he wasn’t ready for the job, we have several specific failsafes, all of which, well failed. They all failed because the Republican elite, you and your friends had neither the courage nor the gumption to stand up to him. He has taken your party and made a mockery of it. There is a time and place to be a Republican. But, right now, Paul? Right now, it is time for you to be an American.

Peace,

Katie Botsford

So, grassroots politics has a lot of growing to do

I thought that, for all of my blustering about politics, I need to be an active participant in every way that I can. I attended a Town Hall Meeting with Representative Jim Sensenbrenner this afternoon at the Waukesha Public Library. My intention, here, is to write an op. ed. to The Freeman, that Waukesha newspaper. So, edits and thoughts are greatly appreciated. 

To Whom it May Concern, 
I attended the open Town Hall Meeting hosted by Representative Jim Sensenbrenner, State Representative Adam Neylon, and State Senator Chris Kapenga. This was first Town Hall meeting since returning from living abroad. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I did my homework and wrote a first, second, and third tier question if in case others asked similar questions. 

The first several questions focused on Congress' meeting to begin talking about repealing the Affordable Care Act. Rep. Sensenbrenner consistently commented that he does not want to pass anything without knowing what was in it, quoting then-Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, "You have to pass the bill to find out what is in it" no less than three times, suggesting she passed the bill without knowing what is inside of it. Upon further investigation, she said, "We need to pass the bill, so you can see what is in it away from the fog of controversy." Linguistically, that is a different sentence, but I am not here to quibble over proper pronoun use and cherry-picked quotations.  

In response to a question (I am not sure the specifics), Representative Sensenbrenner began talking about an art project in Washington. He said that a group of art teachers gather student art and display it in the hallway between their offices and the House Chamber. He talked about how the art teachers chose an inappropriate piece of artwork. He further explained that it was a piece of student art that depicted police officers as pigs. Once again, the content of the art isn't the focus. His following sentence was something along the lines of 'there is a divide between teachers and the government. And, here in Wisconsin, all the high school teachers don't like the Republicans.' It was after that quote I began taking more detailed notes, because I knew I needed to write this piece for whomever would listen. 

Representative Sensenbrenner's speech patterns and idioms set the tone for the entire meeting. He spoke in broad brushstrokes like this, which, in my opinion, further divide the parties. Representative Sensenbrenner also spoke in a curt and combative manner to his constituents who were asking questions about the Affordable Care Act, how he is going to use his voice in the House to make sure all people's voices were heard, as well as many other sentiments. 

Then, he called my name. I was lucky enough to still have my first tier question. This is my question, verbatim:

"Gentlemen, thank you so much for taking the time to be here and listen to us, your constituents. Representative Sensenbrenner, as one of those high school teachers, whom you broadly painted to all dislike Republicans, I understand the necessity of both the freedom of speech and the freedom of expression. I also understand the responsibility with which one must handle both of them. The President Elect's inflammatory and derogatory remarks on women, racial and religious minorities, and news media have spurred a seemingly impassible chasm in our already divided country. How will you, as well as congress, hold the President Elect accountable for his words and actions? It seems as though we're drawing lines in the sand that every time the President Elect goes 'too far' we erase it and draw it again. Where will you draw that line?" 

His immediate response was that the House of Representatives has no place in voting for the President Elect's cabinet, that he has no say in who will be in the cabinet. Then, he continued to say that he does not go around using those words, but he defends the President Elect's right to say them as much as my right to disagree with them. 

I said, "Thank you, sir, for that information. I did not know that piece about the House and Senate. However, that was not my question. My question was, 'Where do you draw the line in acceptable language?' How are you protecting your constituents from the things the President Elect is saying?" In response to my keeping the focus on the question and refusing his pivot, there were claps and nods of affirmation. 

His response was rapid fire, which cut me off, "Well, aren't you a teacher? Shouldn't you know that the House does not vote for the cabinet?" There were some cheers for his response, and I needed a second to reel back from that. 

I responded, "Sir, that is not an answer to my question. And, the tone with which you have conducted this meeting is both inappropriate and disrespectful to us, your constituents." 

Representative Sensenbrenner needed to call the room to quiet and reiterated that he can't control what the President Elect says and that it is within his right to say it. He also said that people need to responsibly use their words. 

And, then he moved on. 

About two or three speakers after me, Representative Sensenbrenner banged his gavel and said, "The more you clap and cheer the less questions we can answer," which took away our power to show if we agree or disagree with the speaker. It took away the community aspect and made it individuals with individual problems as opposed to a community feeling similarly about a topic. 

Throughout the meeting, several of Representative Sensenbrenner's comments were pointed and divisive. He did take a hard line on being careful with how he will respond to Russia's perceived influence in our election either for or against the President Elect depending on whom you ask. He referred to Rev. Theodore Hesburgh, past president of the University of Notre Dame as, "a proud, flaming liberal." (1:58 p.m. , 14 January 2017, Town Hall Meeting, Waukesha, WI), which states pretty clearly Representative Sensenbrenner's opinion of anyone left of center. This comment and opinions like this further divide this country along party lines. How can we possibly heal our country if our representative speaks so divisively of both the Democratic and Republican parties? 

Most of the this afternoon's town hall meeting focused on the Federal level, and consisted of people asking questions and sometimes being talked over. However, near 2:15 p.m., a gentleman stood up and asked  State Representative Adam Neylon and State Senator Chris Kapenga about voter suppression in Wisconsin. The gentleman suggested that if voting is a right, should there be an automatic registration process and photo ID  for anyone who turns 18. Representative Neylon's response was, "No." Senator Kapenga expounded saying that people need to make the effort to be engaged in the political process. It is not too much to ask people to register to vote. 

The gentleman followed up with it isn't necessarily about the  registration process, but what about living in the inner city and not having transportation to the voting booth or an ID to use if it is necessary. 

Senator Kapenga's response was something like, 'You don't have that problem.' 

The gentleman retorted, "How do you know that? How do you know my background?" 

Senator Kapenga said, "Are you a constituent of this district?" 

"Yes," the gentleman said.

"That's how I know," Senator Kapenga quipped.

"But, you don't know my background. How can you assume that?" The gentleman said, as murmurs spread across the room.

"You create problems in your own mind," Senator Kapenga stated. The room erupted in noise both in support and defense of his comment. (2:23 p.m., 14 January 2017, Town Hall Meeting). 

Representative Sensenbrenner banged his gavel and brought the question to the federal level by documenting South Carolina's initiative to have people without transportation call the DMV to drive them to their polling place. He said that 59 people used it (I have not verified this number or program), which he suggests it was not a successful venture. 

After the meeting was dismissed, I approached Representative Sensenbrenner and told him that the tone with which he spoke to me and many others was disrespectful and inappropriate. I assured him that I did not need or want an apology, but I wanted to tell him that his comments about me not knowing specific parts of the Constitution were uncalled for. 

He followed up with, "Every teacher should know the Constitution. If someone wants to become a citizen of the country, they need to know the Constitution. The people teaching our children should also know the Constitution." 

I responded with, "I am an English teacher. I studied literature. I don't expect you to know the inner workings of literary theory." 

"Literature is not the basis of our country. You should know the Constitution." 

Baffled, I responded to that with an idea that my knowing this aspect of the constitution is wrong or right, is not the point. I continued, "The point is the tone of this meeting was combative and defensive. I just wanted you to know how one of many of the people here perceived your message and tone."

"Well, your comments and questions were pejorative and derogatory to me."

At this point, a line began to form behind me, and with such a loaded statement, I felt pressured to answer quickly or not at all. So, I decided to get off of the hamster wheel. I thanked him for his time and exited. 

After the meeting, more than one person approached me, thanked me for my words and bravery, and said that his comments and composure were not atypical. I am not being brave. I am speaking my truth. I am standing up for what I believe. I am refusing to normalize this political climate. I am living my American dream--a dream in which people can hold respectful conversations, a dream in which the government listens to the people, and a dream in which people, all people, work towards unity. 

So, I threw away my shot.

Let's just get one thing out in the open: I neither believe in violence as an answer nor condone it as a means to an end.

However, Mama wants to get in a bar fight. That being said, I would never throw the first punch, but I would definitely throw words that would warrant a punch to which I would obviously retaliate.

As a nearing-30 pacifist who believes that most misunderstandings can be sorted out with words much more effectively than violence, my window of opportunity is coming to a close. The excuse of "Oh, I was dumb and in my 20s" is waning, so when I threw away my shot on Monday evening, I came to the conclusion that this weird bucket list item may not be crossed off in this lifetime.

Let me just set the scene for you.

Every Monday, my trivia team Tequila Mockingbirds (don't steal my team name; you're better than that) plays at a local catch-all pool hall/poker table/dart board having bar in suburbia. On Mondays, we share the space with a big poker game and general wayward travelers the wind blows in.

My mom, arguably the smartest lady-person as well as non-lady-person (not to suggest lady-persons aren't as smart as non-lady-persons, but gender is important here) I have ever met, just finished telling a real-life story of a Traveling Insurance Salesman who had the audacity to say to her, "blah blah blah, insurance, blah blah, numbers, numbers...Oh, don't worry about the numbers, honey, I can explain them more later." 

My mom, bubbling with Midwest Nice, decisively shows him the door and with a saccharine smile says, "I don't think we'll be purchasing your insurance, sir. Have a good day, now."

After her retelling, she wondered, "I just don't understand how someone can be so condescending as they're selling you something. What was his game plan? I wonder what he's doing now?"

I piped up, "I bet that jackass is voting for Donald Trump.*"

A guy at the bar snapped his head toward me, "Oh," and promptly dropped his glass.

I chuckled and said, "Oh, are you also voting for Trump."

Now, yes, that was rude of me. I know this. I just didn't realize that Trump supporters or people who  can believe or support a man who has campaigned on fear and hate were in my midst. I live in a privileged reality in which most of my close friends have similar political views as me. My mom, that smart lady-person from before, and I have some differing views on things, however we always approach conversations with respect, openness, and love. But, I haven't really had to go head to head with anyone politically in a while. Anyway, my big mouth opened and words fell out, for which I take full responsibility.

As I got up to help the man clean up the glass and apologize for being flippant, he said, "No, this is my fuck-up. I clean up my own messes, and you can just sit right on down, and I will be over in a minute."

I didn't like being told what to do, but I also didn't really want to pick up glass, so I sat down. I ran through the talking points I planned to address.

-I do not want Donald Trump because he has already sworn to elect a Supreme Court Justice (touchy subject: I just can't even) who could jeopardize the way in which my love is legally recognized or my rights as a uterus-having person.

I could list a hyperbolic amount more, but those are the two about which I feel most passionately.

So, Brotimes pulled a chair over, ushered his drunkdrunk friend to the nearest table and sat down. As he lowered himself down, he muttered a comment to the man sitting next to him (spoiler alert: my dad), "No easier thing to do than offend a feminist, am I right?"

My dad didn't respond.

Brotimes: Didn't you hear what I said?
Katie: I heard what you said and am choosing not to respond. (pause) First, I would like to apologize if I offended you. It came out as a flippant comment, for which I take full responsibility.
Brotimes: I am not offended. It takes a lot to offend me. But, for argument's sake, what would you do next if I were offended.
Katie: Refer to my apology and encourage an open dialogue about the thought process behind my comments and, perhaps, your perception of them.
Brotimes: Well, I'm not. So, let's talk. Sticks...sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me. That is a confusing saying. Like, words can hurt, but not in the same way as a guy pounding on you, just getting sucker punched. That hurts. Words are nothing.
Katie: While I do agree with you in that words do not physically hurt others, hateful language, and hate speech are microaggressions that...
Brotimes: (rolls eyes, scoffs, and yawns)
Katie: Your body language tells me that you don't agree with me. 
Brotimes: Microaggressions are bullshit.
Katie: They aren't. They are real ways that...
Brotimes: Microaggressions are just things that you people whine about when your feelings are hurt. They are things that are made up for  when you people can't get it together on your own. They get all the blame for when you people can't handle it.
Katie: (eyes flare,  intakes breath) I wasn't fi...
Brotimes: You weren't finished? Are you mad I am talking over you?
Katie: This is exactly the kind...
Brotimes: The kind of thing that you think is so important?
Katie: Sir. I listened to you. I listened to your speech on...
Brotimes: (intakes breath)
Katie: No, sir. It is my turn to talk. I listened to your words. I invited you here expecting to have an open, respectful, conversation about politics.
Brotimes: Respectful? Why does it have to be respectful?
Katie: If you're not interested in having a respectful conversation of ideas...
Brotimes: (muttered) This is ridiculous.
Katie:..then I have no business talking to you.

Katie exit.

Aside: I blew it! That could have been my moment! I am sure I could have gotten under his skin enough to draw the first punch, but I chose to walk away. I guess I am a Hufflepuff after all. All my grand dreams of maybe pulling through to be a Gryffindor--being real silly in the name of bravery--lost in a flurry of needing to be just out of that toxic situation.

According to my friends and family still at the table, he continued his rhetoric of "What? I just wanted to talk." And, "why did she start a fight if she didn't want to finish it." And, "Imma go find her."

My mom quickly left to make sure I didn't walk home or start any more fights. My friends got up to leave as well, and Brotimes continued, "Hey, what did I say? Why is everyone leaving?"

My dad, a Gryffindor for sure, turned to Brotimes and said something like, "You were out of line, sir. You approached it all wrong. You came in attacking her, which put her on the defensive. You spoke over her and you chose to be utterly disrespectful to her. You were wrong. You, sir, you were in the wrong here. Big time." And, he, too, got up and left.

And, this little scene, this little conversation represents a huge shift in the way in which we discuss politics. A paraphrase of my friend Megan, 'I would love to discuss policies of my candidate, but I have been too busy encouraging people not to vote for a demagogue' who spews hate and presents fiction as fact.

The complete lack of truth in most of his comments and flippancy with which he disregards the real concerns of basically anyone who is non-white or not a straight man is unsettling in any respect, but especially in someone vying for the highest office in our country.

These things have changes how some folks talk about politics. Fact are irrelevant. Respect isn't required. And, memes are credible sources. This era of immediate social media has been both a boon and a bane of this election. Real-time fact checkers source the presidential debates (are you kidding me?!). And, biased media gives a whole lot of uninformed people a platform from which they repeat his rhetoric.

This is not the America I want for me. This is not the America I want for my children. And, this is not  even the America I want for the folks who are voting for this man. It isn't going to look like the white, shiny walled in compound he's promised. It can't.

And, for those Republicans falling in line behind this man because "Well, he isn't Hillary" I want better for you. I want better for your party. I disagree with you on so many social issues, but this is not the Republican party that used to be.

This is a party of fear, of hate, of disrespect, and of fallacies. Stand up for your party. Stand up for yourself. Say this is not right. Republican Elite, your dislike of this man is palpable, and yet you're still voting for him?

You are on the wrong side of history.


*I know very, very good people voting for Donald Trump. But, this misogynistic condescension has been his basic campaign approach during the past 14 months.