Panic! At the dildo

Forewarning, this post will not be as crass as the title.

So, several weeks ago (I know, I KNOW I suck at publishing), my friend asked (read pleaded) me to go to a Pure Romance party she was hosting.  She needed twelve people to be there so that she could get X amount of money off of her order.  So, I said, "If the Packer's aren't playing I will be there."  Since the Packers were obviously going to the Superbowl, I thought this a coy trade.  But, then the dumb Packers had to lose to the NY Giants.  So, there I was on an icy Sunday afternoon, driving my friend Mel (whom I convinced to come with me if I got her free booze, and who told her mother she was going to a Pampered Chef party) and Shannon, we trekked off to my dear friend Julie's house.

So, we walk into this beautiful home.  The first thing that catches my eye is a gorgeous baby grande piano and about 15 years worth of sheet music.  The first thing that Mel spies with her little eyes, is the GIANT blue silicon penis suctioned onto the coffee table.  When she pointed it out to me, I obviously turned bright red and said, "I don't think I can do this."
"Sure you can," piped Julie. "Here's some sangria."

Well, when there is sangria involved my faculties become undone and my morals loose.  So, there I was seated on a couch learning about sex from this woman, whom I had never met.  I giggle at the appropriate and inappropriate times.  Whatever.

Now, this is when the panic sets in.  This woman is giving testimonies and all sorts of things, and this is what hits me.  "Oh, this program, Pure Romance, is all about feminism and recognizing your inner self."

Alright, I can buy that.  Knowing your self and the ways that please you are a very important part of feminism.  However, after saying that, the ONLY way she talked about her product was in conjunction with a partner, more specifically, a husband or boyfriend.  "Your boyfriend can use this tool to help with this...." or "Your husband will love this one with ball bearings embedded in the the shaft."  All the while, telling these women that they are pioneer feminists and that intimacy with a tool is such a progressive way of embracing of female individuality and   sexuality.

I almost lost it.  I just wanted to say something about what real feminism is, and how yes, sexuality of pleasing oneself is very important, it is not in the least the only thing about feminism.  However, I decided that this was neither the time nor the place to go head to head with a Pure romance salesperson on the ethics and definitions of feminism.  I just kept my mouth shut, drank sangria, and enjoyed the company. I did walk away one shaving cream richer, though.  So, I count that as a life win.