Working as a teacher in Korea, I've experienced some fairly crazy things. Sock racing, not withstanding, I am going with "staff meetings" as the most ridiculous.
If you are a teacher back home, you know the drill: snack, snark, and sharks...wait, now, I was just going with alliteration. Try again: snacks, snark, and then getting down to the proverbial brass tacks, although I quite prefer push pins over tacks, but that isn't important. I actually found some of my staff development days enjoyable, but that was usually when I sat with Nancy, and we both recognized that, in situations like that, there will always be too many cooks in the kitchen.
I digress, so, today, there is a staff meeting with some muckity-mucks from the uppity-ups of Busan Metropolitan Office of Education. Usually, I am graciously dismiss, and I can go into the office and nap or claim adult responsibility and do work But, lesbie honest, who does that?
However, today is different. James, my co-teacher, says, "Maybe, you'll have to stay for the meeting?" Blerk, mmmmkay. "Do I hafta understand it?" Evidently, not. I just have to be there.
If you take out the snacks, snark and sharks of American teacher's meetings, add Korean, a seven page agenda AND be sitting directly port-side of the principal, you have my life. Right now. At this very minute.
Now, I can imagine my mother's face right now, "Kathryn Marie! How can you be writing while you're in a meeting? At least look like you're paying attention."
Oh, crap, I missed a page turn while my Brain-Mom was berating me. And, the pop sound a Snapple bottle makes just happened. From my orange juice. Resounding through the room. I catch the eye of the new guy who smiles at my noisy juice debauchery. Shoot, I missed another page turn. These sneaky Korean, flipping pages like it's their job. Like they're stealthy wild cats sent to...flip...pages...quietly? What? Doesn't matter. I can't even pretend to keep up. Blast it all!
Now, one of the Muckity-Mucks talks She seems like a lovely woman. She makes excellent eye contact, but listening to her is like hearing a song. She has one of the most fluctuating speech patterns I have ever hear. And I watched Gilmore Girls. She just did the action for an alligator catch in Ultimate -OR- the "Teenage Shark" motion, if you're privvy to the Shark Song.
I think if I had a super power (other than water control), I would like to dabble in voice throwing. If I could throw my voice to the other side of the room right now, I would probably whistle or play the harmonica and confuse the crap out of the people here. Miss Kim, if you're reading this, I didn't ever throw my voice. Not even once. Mostly, because my only super powers are my humor and wit like a rusty trap.
Ahhhhhh! I make eye contact with the other Muckity-Muck...and nodded! I might have just agreed to sell my soul or bear a child and name Him Buddy Christ. Although, both of these scenarios seem unlikely. I do not think I would be a good mother to a Messiah. I have trouble watering my plant. I probably just agreed to use only the squatty potty for the rest of time. Forever and ever. Amen.
Side note: knuckle/elbow cracking is frowned upon.
Segue. No one is doodling. This seems rather weird. Maybe, doodling isn't a thing here. I mean, I have never really been much of a doodler myself (mostly, because everything I drew looked like a Georgia O'Keefe painting. Foreshadowing? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?). But, let me tell you, during staff meetings in America, I got my doodle on. Abandoning Georgia, I specialized in geometric shapes and color dimensions. Wow, so not the point. All I am trying to say is everyone is doing a damn good job of pretending to pay attention, or, even more disturbing, actually paying attention.
Oh, crap. I hear my name. Now, James is talking. My head swivels, following the back and forth of the speakers. Every one laughs. Oh, man. There is a difference between being completely clueless and knowing someone is talking about you and still being clueless. It is times like this, when I try to conjure up Spaceman Spiff and escape to unexplored planets in my super awesome red flying saucer with a bubble canopy.
End of meeting. What. Just. Happened.